I didn’t realize I was having a mental breakdown until I discovered my physical breakdown. Before, my hair was down to my bum, beautiful, long, dead-straight. At first I was hoping it was ringworm because I’ve been volunteering with Cat Rescue. When the test results came back and it wasn’t ringworm I just put it off. It must have been three or four days later, my partner came into the room and he goes, ‘babe!’ and he got out his phone and took a photo. I had all these bald circles all the way around my hairline. He got me an appointment with the men’s hair clinic. He took one look at it and he’s like; ’I hate to tell you this, but you have alopecia. It’s an immune disease, so can’t be cured, it’s your body fighting yourself’.

I kind of hid it for a little while. I’d say the worst thing I did to myself was put everything in a box and put it on the shelf. And then one day, it just all exploded everywhere. And there’s no putting anything back now.

At that point, I just quit everything, I quit my relationship, and I quit the house. I found a little place out here, it was the cheapest place I could find and I was like, I can just afford that if I do a few art lessons. So that’s what I did.

It’s been a real journey. I’ve discovered a lot of things like, I need to be outside, I need to be in nature. Winter is a trigger for me. I don’t want to be in Christchurch with all the leaves changing in the sad trees. I like to be in the natives because it stays green.

I’ve got my chickens here and I do a lot of gardening. I get a lot of fatigue, migraines and muscle pain. I used to be a mountain climber and a tramper, used to do all these crazy, out there things. And now I can’t do more than 35 minutes without having to stop.

I had a lot of body issues when I was younger, there was always that little voice in your head, like, you could be doing more, you could be eating less, if only you got to this, you’d be happy.

But when something is wrong with your body, you can’t rely on it and it’s scary. That really opens your eyes to just how just how fragile our existence is in our body. And when you realize what our bodies do for us, like, this is where I love from, this is where I laugh at memes, where I read my books, where I imagine my future. I’m just so grateful that I’ve got one.

I’ve pulled the veil down; none of those magazines, none of that Instagram shit; none of that touches me anymore. And I see my previous toxic behaviours in people, and you just realize how prevalent it is; it kind of radicalizes you a little bit!

When I first lost my hair I was like; I need a job that doesn’t take much energy. I got an opportunity to do life modeling, and that was the best thing you can possibly do; get naked in front of a bunch of strangers.

Once you do it, it just becomes so normal. And I would say to the students, I’m really sorry, but I’m like, SUPER naked. Because I don’t have any hair, anywhere!

Sometimes students give me their work, so I truly am an oil painting. And that’s really cool.”