I used to go to Travis Wetland when I felt overwhelmed, I’d just leave and I go and sit for hours. There’s that big willow tree with the little steps in it; that was my spot.

My parents didn’t know what to do with me, and I got sent to live with Grandma out here in Akaroa. I did my year 11 out here and it was really good for me. I had smaller class sizes. I got a lot more nature time. I guess moving here helped me connect to a slower pace of life and highlighted to me what I was capable of outside of that chaotic city environment.

I left home after I came back from Akaroa. For me, that was the start of my journey of reflecting on my heritage. What does it mean? Where do I come from? What’s my place in this country? What is our connection to nature?

Growing up in a colonized country and being pakeha, I lacked a feeling of connection to my roots, to a place, to a culture. I guess I’ve kind of found that in my own time with the land and forests, from being quiet, listening and being present.

I didn’t get diagnosed with autism until I was 24. I’ve been in therapy since I was 16 and no one ever picked it up; I was always just depressed, or emotional, or difficult.

For me, the main struggle is sound. I used to have meltdowns when I would get overwhelmed; I just felt so out of control. I’d have to isolate myself and just couldn’t talk to anyone for days. But when I had an expert tell me no, you’re textbook Asperger’s, you’re experiencing that because you’ve just had too much socializing today, or you haven’t had enough quiet time. It was like, Oh my God, is that it? Suddenly I was able to function. Worst thing was thinking that everybody struggled with the things I did, and I was just not dealing with it. If life’s that hard for everyone, then why am I struggling with it? And for someone to come along and be like, no, your brain is actually just wired differently. It changed my life.

When I saw the Duvauchelle job advertised, I had full body goosebumps, like, it was one of those moments where you know, if you go for it, you’re gonna get it and your whole life is gonna have to change. And with COVID happening, I just thought, it’s time to come home after 10 years away.

I’m able to come back to Banks Peninsula – a place that really helped set me right, and provide safe space and solace for me – and give back to the place that gave to me.

I think it’s important for me to represent myself as a neuro-diverse and LGBTQ+ person. To be like, hey, you can be all these things and still be a ranger – it’s all kind of wrapped up and hard to tease out what ends where. Nature never made me feel out of place. And when I spend long periods of time in nature, that pressure to make other people more comfortable around me, like all of that just goes away, because plants don’t judge you, animals don’t judge you.

When I filled out the form for the job and the option was there for gender-diverse, it was like, what! It just gives you permission to exist as who you are. I can be authentic in this space, and also be visible to people like me, who could be struggling. I want to be who I am, and be taken seriously. I made a decision; actually, back when I used to live here; that I wasn’t going to give up on life. If I’m going to be here I’m going to give it everything.”

-Taylor