Grae
I had always been very feminine growing up. It was the 90’s; society basically said; ‘boys don’t do that’. Stop playing with the dolls, stop dressing like that, it’s not what boys do. So repressed it hard.
I really got into performing, loved it throughout high school, because that was an acceptable way for boys to wear makeup. I loved writing, making music as well. I found film in my last year of high school doing a media studies class, and was like, oh my God, this is a beautiful way for me to incorporate acting, writing, and music all into one thing. I got really into it and started teaching myself.
I met my wife first year of university. We’ve just celebrated 14 years together; been married for eight and a half. I love her to pieces. I took Michelle up into the Port Hills for one of our first dates. We went for a night-time picnic, looking over the city lights. Very romantic.
The first date, Michelle told me that she was bi. She’s very open. About a month in, I was like, this is who I am. I just called myself a crossdresser because, honestly, anything more than that was kind of permanent-seeming and scary. She talked to me about the idea of gender fluidity, and I was like, “Oh shit, okay, this feels right for me”. So, some days I’d be presenting male, some days I’d be presenting female. It started out 80/20 boy/girl, and then went to 60/40, then 50/50, and then 70/30; and then I was like, oh yeah, I might be trans. This is me. It took a good three or four years to properly come to terms because I just wanted to be society’s view of normal. But you can’t help who you are.
I ended up coming out to my family when I was 19 as non-binary gender-fluid and then came out again as a trans woman. At age 26 I started hormone replacement therapy, taking estrogen and seeing myself grow into the person I’ve always been. I’ve never felt so confident and so happy, and so right in my body, and myself in my mind. Love that for me, it’s a great time.
I started hormones on 3 March 2020, and then my dad was very sick with cancer; unfortunately, he passed away on 22 March. Three days later, we were in lockdown with COVID. So, I was hormonal, I was grieving and locked down. It was a real wild time. Absolute roller-coaster. But it did give me the space to grieve and also come into my body a little bit more before going back out to the world.
So that’s my history, and what led me to making Homecoming – It’s a psychological thriller about coming out to your parents over dinner. I often say this is my anxiety disorder on screen. It was a very emotionally intense time for me coming out to them, and they are absolutely fantastic now, biggest supporters, though dad doesn’t speak to me anymore…. because he has passed. I crack that joke whenever I can with new people. You gotta laugh, right? You gotta laugh or you cry.
Coming out is a very visceral experience. What I really want to do with filmmaking is bring authenticity to trans storytelling, bring a level of empathy and care to show that we are people, to help humanize us more. I have a voice, and the capability to use it. I want to use it for the right things and showcase it in ways that help people connect.
Ultimately it does end up being a story of hope.
August 2026
This story is part of a Rainbow Inclusivity Campaign in collaboration with InCommon and Christchurch Pride.