Merepeka
WARNING: the following story deals with a motor vehicle accident causing death and may be distressing to some readers.
Ko Motakiora tōku maunga
Ko Manga-o-kewa tōku awa
Ko tainui tōku waka
Ko Ngāti Maniapoto tōku iwi
Ko Ngāti Rora tōku hapū
Ko Te Kūiti tōku marae
Ko Te Tokanganui a noho te whare e tu kaha ki te taumata
Nō Te Kūiti ahau
Ko Merepeka tōku ingoa.
I’ve been in a head-on car accident where a young lady passed away. I was the drunk driver. She died instantly, and I was put into a coma for two weeks. It’s still heavy now, but for the first two years just coming to grips with what I had done, I wished they had just let me die.
When I left Burwood I thought, there’s two ways that I can go from this. I can either carry on drinking, go down the path that I was killing myself on, or I could start again. I decided consciously that I was going to make this girl’s passing worth something. So I gave up the drugs and alcohol.
I’ve been sober since the 31st of March 2022. There’s a lot of realities that I’ve got to hold myself accountable for. I’ve had to work much more deeply in the last couple of years. After 23 years of smoking drugs, drinking alcohol and cigarettes, I don’t do any of that anymore. I come from a long line of drug addicts and alcoholics, and a lot of my family are still deep within that cycle. I’m the first out of my whole family that I know of that has kicked it.
I have always grown up in Te Ao Māori, but I think my addiction to drugs and alcohol kind of took over my want and need to learn. So after doing what I thought was right, I decided that I would jump back on my reo journey.
I’ve just passed my level three and four He Pi Ka Pao Te Reo Māori. It’s the first time that I’ve ever finished anything. I didn’t finish school. I was kicked out of primary school, and I was kicked out of high school in third form. I have not only become the first person in my whanau to be sober, but I am also going to be the first fluent te reo speaker, and I’m so proud of myself.
I can’t wait to get back to kura. I’m ready.
This year I have a lot going on. I’ve got my prosthesis happening, Te Rōnakitanga ki te reo kairangi and my long term, big aspiration is to be the first amputee to stand on a haka stage.
I’ve been accepted into a rōpū, Te Pao a Tahu. I’m hoping that by May, which is when the regionals are, I will be able to stand for at least our 30 minute bracket. But you know, if I just end up being a kaitautoko sitting on the side of the stage, or in front supporting my rōpū, then I’m okay with that, as long as I keep training my hardest to get on that stage.
Kapa haka to me is an outlet for you know, all this anger I’ve had for so long, just cooped up. I can yell and sing loud, project my voice at someone and something without somebody and something getting offended about it. At that first practice, I lost my voice. It was gone. There was no holding back. I was very grateful to be able to be as loud as I could be, and nobody around me judged me for that and it just made me so happy.
I’m so proud of myself and how far I have come, it’s a shame it took for such a horrific accident to happen for me to get here, but nonetheless, kei kōnei tonu ahau.
I can’t wait for regionals. I’m excited.